okay, I know I said good days, but ever since that post I have been holding out to write anything hoping that I was right, and that things were going to go as well as I had promised myself... but despite my best efforts, things aren't going well.

I have come to a point where I have almost certainly resigned myself to not teaching again next year. I am on board and committed to my students through the end of the year, but in the past few days I have decided that I am comprimising my mental health for my job, and while that can be maintained for the 2 year commitment that I signed up for when I took the position, I am not sure that I will be able to remain sane for a whole new year. I have tried everything that I know to do, taken reccomendations, changed everything I know how. I have even takedn a second job, which is the complete opposite of teaching, and while this occupies more of the time that I don't have, it also keeps my mind fresh and renewed from allowing myself to think about things that are not at all related to teaching. Still, being a 2nd year BD teacher is weighing down on me.

I don't mean to be discouraging, but I just feel that teaching has gotten to a point for me where I feel that I can't actaully impact the lives of my students in the ways that I need to in order to make a difference. By all of this, I do not mean to say that "giving up on teaching" is in any means an answer... but by the same recourse, I also cannot give up on my sanity before finding a job that will suite both me and the population that I serve.

Now I feel as though this is getting to be too deep of an entry for my mindset tonight, but for all of you out there, if you have words of wisdom, I am asking for them now. I need to ensure that I will at the very least make it through the school year.

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Anonymous Anonymous said...

keep your head up it gets better

5/15/2007 6:05 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

hey its alyssa,
think about it like this. I know its hard. i have a 13 year old bi polar brother, and i know it gets hard to the point that you want to break down in the tears o f your "failure" to help. But jsut being there is helping. there are so many people who will jsut shove children like these in a special ed room and not give them teh tools to learn and make soemthign of themselves. i am a strong advocate of these children and what they can become if given the chance. its hard because i know yoiur like i have given the chance and they havent taken it, but these kids take longer to nurture. they dont see what the oprotunity is, they see the negative first. I know you want to break down, but be strong for them. if your not, who will be?

5/22/2007 8:10 PM  
Blogger concerned heart said...

It must be the most difficult job in world. I think you will complete this school year and find a different type of job next year.

5/25/2007 2:10 AM  
Blogger Karen said...

hello from a 6 year vet of the ed/bd world. let's face facts. we get these kids. most people don't or sadly, won't. a break from ed wouldn't be a bad thing, but that being said, establishing relationships with these kids is a long-term commitment, and who else in their lives have been able to do that? a summer off filled with relaxation and recreation may be all you need to re-think your position. it's really a calling, and if you really feel you must move on, blessings to you. if you find the strength to stay, blessings your way as well!

6/14/2007 6:32 PM  

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