*cough*cough*

I haven't posted in a while for a number of reasons, mostly the fact that my personal life as well as my school life have been a tilt-a-whirl of ups and downs, and as it turns out, the tilt-a-whirl makes me nauseous, and if you know me at all, you know that I don't puke unless my life depends on it. Yesterday my life depended on it. Today I just feel sick again- I guess that's a step in the right direction.

Today was our first day back to school after the holiday break. I was elated to be going back (even in this coughing condition) because as much as school is chaos for me, I was longing for the thing that I know my kids need the most- routine. My life at home and on break has been so crazy that I needed the chance to get back into something that I can trust. I needed a break from the break essentially. This is a crazy phenomenon; I am not the type of person that generally relies on routine. In fact, I think that one of the hardest parts of teaching for me was that I had to become a structured person.

The thing is, I know what happens each day when I get to school. When I go into the auditorium at 8:20am I can count on only 2 of my students being there, because the other busses run late everyday. I know that this will frustrate me, and I will go through all the things that my kids could be learning in the 25 min that they are missing each morning. I know that when I get to the cafeteria with my students to pick up the breakfast, my 2 will fight for just a moment over who's turn it is to carry the bin upstairs. I know that the first thing Jerry will do when we get upstairs is tell me that the homework was too easy (even if he got half of it wrong), and Tally will try to think of a believable excuse for why he didn't do his at all. He knows that this will frustrate me, so he will then try to make me laugh, hoping I will go easier on him. He also knows that I will not buy his excuses, and I will not go easier on him and for this I think he loves and hates me simultaneously. I can expect that when the busses arrive, just as the morning announcements commence, the rest of my students will be arriving, hungry. Tay will stand out in the hall for a while and watch us, she seems to need a minute to prepare herself to enter the room, and I understand that, so I let her stand for a minute before saying good morning and drawing her into the classroom. I know that when I ask them to pass out the math message notebooks I will here numerous grunts and a few verbal complaints, but I also know that if I don’t get the math message up right away, someone will ask, “well, what about math, should I pass out the notebooks?” This is exactly what I needed today.

They missed me too, and I needed that. I was visibly ill, so all through the day they asked things like, “are you going to be here tomorrow?” and “why did you come to school today?” To this, I told Tally, “because I missed you so much I couldn’t bear to be away from you another day.” He laughed, “yeah right.” “What, you didn’t miss me?” I asked. “I missed you,” Jerry replied, and then quickly covered his self, “I mean, not really, I mean…” Ricky jumped in quickly, “Whatever man, I didn’t miss her at all. I didn’t even think about her… well I didn’t think about her until Monday…” and then he scratched his head and looked back at his paper.

Being sick sucks, and sometimes life does too, and often teaching really sucks, but it’s days like today, when even if things aren’t perfect, and your lessons don’t go as planned, and your kids have unthinkable behavior, and every last inch of your body hurts from having to stand in front of the toughest crowd in the world and pretend to be strong, I am thankful for being a teacher.

I will try my best to post again soon, because there are all sorts of shocking updates, and I have been reprimanded by my sister to keep up to date with my blog, but for tonight, all I can do is wish the best for the New Year.

The Lunchroom

On Friday I ate lunch with my students in the "cafeteria"... Elementary school lunch rooms are an interesting and extremely awkward combination of bad food, smelly kid, and absurd rules. The one good thing about the lunch room is that about once every 2 months there is an excellent dish which the lunch staff calls "toodles." They are bready-crysted cheese, and they taste like heaven.

Friday, the students were being served toodles. I decided to join them in the lunchroom, and as I approached their table (they band together like a pack of wolves in the lunchroom), Amber told me to "go away!" I didn't want to intrude, I understand that the elementary school lunch room is a very delicate balance of things, and I didn't want to mess that up, so I instead asked, "hey guys, can I sit here?"


"NO," Amber yelled out.

"YES, she can!" Ray replied with an assurance I didn't think Ray was able to muster (he's not a particularly well liked student in my class).

"Hey, Ms. G, I'm not eating my salad, you want mine?" Rick said, as I started to sit down. This was obviously his way of letting everyone know that he agreed with Ray, without ever having to say that he agreed.

And then, the same way that I had been banished from the table, I was completely accepted. The climate of the table changed, and as Amber started to speak up again about me not sitting at the table, all my other students gave her a look that put her to shame.

"She CAN sit here," Ray repeated.

A few minutes later I offered Amber my bag of chips to make amends. She accepted gracefully, and seemed to enjoy my company at the table. After all, having a teacher at your table gives you talking privledges in an elementary school lunchroom... The security guard has to assume that you're talking about very important things, and not just kid-stuff.