3 day streak...

Amidst the sweltering heat of our 4th floor classroom, and the stinky pits of mostly adolescent boys, the Bad Wolves are currently into the third day of a streak of learning, curiosity, and fun. It seems that we have collectively gotten a "second wind" and the motivation and positive attitudes are overwhelming me.

This is a much needed break, as many of you probably know.... so cross your fingers for me. I am worried that I am cursing myself by even mentioning the classroom atmosphere.... but I just find it so amazing that the entire demeanor of a classroom can so drastically change in a short time. Even more amazing is the way that my student soak up knowledge when they let themselves. For the past 3 days, the "cool" thing to do is learn, and the only students who haven't enjoyed the past few days of school are the ones that refuse to think for themselves. With any luck, this positive class outlook will begin to rub off on those few before it diminishes.

Yesterday I had 4 parent logs go home that started like this "___________ had a phenominal morning, a positive attitude and was motivated to learn!" I love parent logs like that...

Discouraged...

okay, I know I said good days, but ever since that post I have been holding out to write anything hoping that I was right, and that things were going to go as well as I had promised myself... but despite my best efforts, things aren't going well.

I have come to a point where I have almost certainly resigned myself to not teaching again next year. I am on board and committed to my students through the end of the year, but in the past few days I have decided that I am comprimising my mental health for my job, and while that can be maintained for the 2 year commitment that I signed up for when I took the position, I am not sure that I will be able to remain sane for a whole new year. I have tried everything that I know to do, taken reccomendations, changed everything I know how. I have even takedn a second job, which is the complete opposite of teaching, and while this occupies more of the time that I don't have, it also keeps my mind fresh and renewed from allowing myself to think about things that are not at all related to teaching. Still, being a 2nd year BD teacher is weighing down on me.

I don't mean to be discouraging, but I just feel that teaching has gotten to a point for me where I feel that I can't actaully impact the lives of my students in the ways that I need to in order to make a difference. By all of this, I do not mean to say that "giving up on teaching" is in any means an answer... but by the same recourse, I also cannot give up on my sanity before finding a job that will suite both me and the population that I serve.

Now I feel as though this is getting to be too deep of an entry for my mindset tonight, but for all of you out there, if you have words of wisdom, I am asking for them now. I need to ensure that I will at the very least make it through the school year.